Written on April 29, 2015

Charade (noun): “an absurd pretense intended to create a pleasant or respectable appearance”

When I first see the word ‘charade’, I imagine a mask. No, not one of those fancy ballroom masks but a different one altogether. It’s actually quite a sad mask that is created by some in order to hide their true feelings from the world.

I admit it. I often wear one of these masks. It helps me feel safe and it protects me, in a strange way, from how judgmental human beings can often be. Yeah, yeah, I know. Wearing a mask will lead to bottling up emotions. I’ve been told before that I have anger issues. I fully understand the consequences of my actions and I accept them. I would much rather have a few accidental explosions than be seen as weak by everyone who I associate with.

You see, the funny thing is, when shown weakness, human beings turn rather strange, at least in my opinion. They feel an innate sort of superiority and they view the other as just another broken project that it is their duty to fix. Or some other people will see a ‘broken’ person and just give up. Yes, I actually do know some people who do their best to avoid anyone ‘broken’ because honestly, they’re either too broken themselves or they just can’t be bothered to be dragged into people’s shitty lives.

On the other side of the spectrum, there are people who desperately cling to those who they deem in need of their guidance, in hopes of doing what many others were not able to do. I know how it plays out and trust me when I say this, it is not pretty. The ‘damaged’ one will usually begin to trust the nice person at first. It will seem to go well for a while but then one day, just as they’re about to fully trust the other, something goes wrong. Either a fight breaks out between the two, or the person, who is helping, just gives up. It is an interesting feeling to be given up on. It does certainly break those already fragile trust issues.

In the end, we’re forced into our masks, as a way of protecting ourselves. We know what happens when the mask falls off and so, we suppress our inner selves in order to protect them from the harsh reality. Seriously, by wearing my mask, I end up fighting with myself a lot more than I do with other people. It kills me on the inside but as long as I wear a fake smile and keep up my ‘cheery’ attitude, no one will know. They don’t even bother to dig any further because everything looks good on the surface, so why would there be any problems? I’m fine with that though. It’s served me well in the past. In fact, this is how I’ve spent most of my child- wait, most of my life. And that’s just how I want to keep it.


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