Written on May 13, 2015

Appetite (noun): “a natural desire to satisfy a bodily need, especially for food”

First of all, I hate food. Now, before you go attacking me, you need to listen to the whole story, alright? Are you calm down now? Good.

It all started in the seventh grade, for me. I would eat a quick breakfast in the morning and buy myself a lunch at school. Things were going great, it seemed but slowly over time, I just grew lazy of making breakfast every morning. Did I seriously need to eat three times a day? Why can’t I just eat later?

And then, it got worse… instead of eating a filling lunch, I’d buy myself a usual bag of chips and a water bottle. Because, really, food is food. What’s the difference? That turned into two cookies and a water and eventually, by eighth grade, I found myself skipping lunch altogether.

Fast forward to the present and my appetite has just escalated in how terrible it is… I don’t even feel hungry anymore. I don’t know how but I guess I trained myself to survive on little food. My stomach is absolutely tiny leading me to become the petite-sized girl I am today. (Yes, I’m female. Shocked?) I’m not really bothered too much… well, I am.

My mom’s always forcing me to eat when I don’t want to. I still skip breakfast but I’ve been making attempts at trying to eat it again with the occasional cream cheese sandwich. At least, I still eat breakfast on the weekends because I’m forced to eat it with my whole family. On some of my worst days, even, I can go a full 24 hours without eating. Yes, you read that right. I’d go from one day lunchtime to the next without eating. I’m just plain crazy.

You’d think that with all these eating issues, I’d have some kind of problem by now… well, if you thought that, you’re correct. Most days, I end up vomiting a bit in my mouth. It gets pretty awful at times, and it happens the most after I eat too… *sigh* I guess I’m pretty fucked up, aren’t I? Well, I’m glad you guys know a bit about why… next time, don’t judge me if I decide to skip a meal or two… it’s in my blood and I can’t break the habit that easily… after all, old habits die hard.



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