Grudges

Written on May 17, 2015


Grudge (noun): “a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury”

I hold grudges. Even though I may forget what had transpired, I will never forget how that person made me feel. I remember reading a quote somewhere that said…. wait a second. Let me find it real quick.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

That’s how I hold my grudges. If you’ve wronged me in the past, there is no hope for a friendship between us ever again. I’m weird like that. I’m also really bad at forgiving and trusting people, but those are topics for another time. We’re here to talk about grudges, after all.

As for the other side, it kind of sucks when people have a grudge against you. I tend to lose a lot of my friends over stupid things I’ve done or they’ve done. It just never seems to work out for me. I kind of wish grudges didn’t exist. I wish everyone could forgive and forget, but then again, I’d be asking too much from them. Really, who am I to care when I’m not even able to forgive someone after a simple petty mistake?

It’s probably because of how needy I can be. The closer you become to me, the more I start to trust you, and the more your little mistakes hurt. I legitimately feel hurt and ignored if someone I’m somewhat close to goes online, messages other people, and yet misses my message. It bothers me. Annoys me.

Do I just message them again? Why do I always have to be the one to initiate the conversation? I don’t even want to talk to them anymore. I can’t handle this. I’m too weak and sensitive. You don’t understand how much a single thing can hurt. You’ll never understand. Maybe grudges are just my way of coping. I’ve been through so much shit that you’d think I’m stronger by now. But no, you’re wrong. All I’m left with is my weakness, loneliness, and my petty grudges.

 

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