Written on May 22, 2015

Friendship (noun): “the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends”

I’ve never had the type of friendship that I wish I could have. The kind where you can share secrets openly with each other and go places, just enjoying each other’s company. I’ve never really felt like I was someone’s friend and that my presence actually mattered to them. I only seem to be skilled at making surface-level acquaintances.

I always feel a pang of jealousy whenever I see groups of friends having fun. I wish I was one of them but I know that that will never happen. I’ve kept myself too secluded from the others in order to have the friendship I’d like to have. I did, for a time, have a nice group of friends in my 7th grade year, but that broke apart when two of the key members had to move away. I miss them. 8th grade was just horrid until I met another girl, Jen.

I’d sit by myself in the library, taking up a whole table to myself, that was meant for four people. Jen asked politely if she could join me because all the other tables were occupied. At the time, I was still young and childish so I rudely told her she couldn’t. She sat down anyways and over time, we grew to become friends because she’d always join me at that table. I found her presence enjoyable and just like that, I had made a friend. Another person I knew from 7th grade joined us too. I don’t exactly remember how I met her but I’m glad she joined us.

The three of us studied and chatted together. It was lovely. We continued our friendship into high school and it only grew. 9th grade was a good time for me. I had a group to hang out with. (We met other people, I don’t remember how.) We would all hang out in the library, near the manga section. I liked it. We laughed together. They defended me. And man, thinking back… I just miss them all so much. I had to move at the end of the year and I never saw them since. It’s been so long… and I haven’t had a good friendship since. Well, we didn’t really talk much anyways but I enjoyed their presence.

I spent 10th grade alone and friendless, most of the part until I met Whitney. We talked a bit and I eventually got invited to sit with her and her friends. It was okay but I always felt awkward and out of place. Then she ended up moving after that year too. It looked like I’d be alone 11th grade too but I wasn’t. I met Jackie. Well, I saw her binder and noticed something. I pointed it out and we just started talking about tumblr and anime. It was awesome. We still talk and hang out everyday at lunch. Her friends are cool too. I like their group but I’m not really… “real friends” yet. It’s more of a hang-out, casual group. I wish I had more meaningful friendships but that’ll never happen.

I think I’ve beaten this topic into the ground enough. Thanks for requesting and I hope to see you all around here soon! Good luck!



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