Written on July 27, 2015
Emptiness (noun): 1. “the state of containing nothing”
2. “the quality of lacking meaning or sincerity; meaninglessness”
I have been feeling a bit empty lately. Over time, I have grown to be the type of person who numbs their feelings. They’re just too much for me to handle. I just numb myself to the point where I can’t feel just so I can live. It makes things easier yet everything is so empty… lonely… emotionless…
It’s like something is missing. A big part of me is gone. I’ve always been an emotional person, to be honest. Sometimes, I’m also emotionally vulnerable. I’m not good with jokes or teasing. I feel pity for others. I am empathetic to pain yet I also enjoy causing it, sometimes. I don’t know. I’m confusing. Damn… is this going to be another rambly chapter?
I just don’t understand people so I shut myself off from the world. To keep myself safe. I’m just too scared of being hurt. I was hurt too much. I can’t trust. Not again. Not anyone. Not ever. I just need to be left alone with my writing and my daydreams. It’s lonely and empty… but it’s safe. I want to be safe. I want to stay safe. Don’t try to change my life. Please stay away from me. I’ll only hurt you with my apathetic ways. *sigh* Good night… (Actually, it will not be good. I’ve been having too many nightmares recently…)