Written on August 20, 2015
I’ve been dying to tell you those words for so long. You’ll never know the pain you put me through. I had nightmares almost every night with you in them. Bad ones, too… I was scared. Petrified. I always ignored you, thinking it would make you stop, but no, it amused you. You liked it. You continued. You always wondered why I was so silent and you wanted to make me talk.
You never stopped to think about my feelings. It was all for some stupid bet. Unbelievable. You acted so nice, too. Showering compliments all the time. Declaring your love for me. I never bought it. Never believed it. And now, I never believe when someone is nice to me. I always think they’re lying. Because of you two.
Not only that, but I wasn’t the only one. You targeted other girls and broke one of my friend’s heart. I can never forgive you for what you did to her and me. Never. I just, I don’t know what else to say. My thoughts are so scattered here. So many memories… painful to remember.
Like April’s Fools. L—-, you remember? You walked right by my PE class and told me that I was sexy and that it was no joke. I don’t know why but that memory is stuck in my brain. Or that one time in class when you sat near me. You played with my hair. Swiping at it like a cat might do to yarn. You fucking touched my hair. I wanted to pull it out when I got home. I was traumatized. Maybe that’s why I hate hugs and people touching me now.
I can never write a letter that captures all the emotions I felt at that time. It’s been too long since. I mean, this all happened about 4-5 years ago… it’s been too long. After 7th grade was over, you left me feeling empty and worthless. I grew used to your presence and all of a sudden, you were gone. Did I miss you that much? I’ll never know… or maybe I missed my friends who also disappeared around that time. Two had moved and the group fell apart. A— ignored me, even though we had math together the next year… *sigh*
Anyways, I’m getting off topic. Also, I’m getting a little teary-eyed writing this. So, yeah, I hope you both drown in the deepest pits of hell. I was deeply traumatized and I still am a bit. Just please do us all a favor and kill yourselves. Thank you.