08/28/16

It’s been a while so I figured I would type up a quick post to let people know I’m still alive.

The feeling of pure emptiness has returned and it lingers so strongly in my body.

Some nights, while I’m lying down and trying to sleep, it feels like there is a physical aperture (hole) where my heart is meant to reside.

Maybe I’m starting to have withdrawal symptoms because I have taken myself out of the Wattpad threads for the past few weeks. Unsurprisingly, no one has noticed.

Well, no one has tried to ask me why I left or tried to get me to come back. It makes me wonder if my initial presence in the threads was even appreciated. Perhaps, I was simply wasting my time for no reason and making myself miserable on purpose.

While I was in the threads, I ended up helping more people than being helped. I was always the one to initiate conversation or keep the conversation going… I was nice and friendly to everyone I encountered. I had no major issues with anyone.

But, amongst an online community of users, I was so… alone.

I created my own fun all the time, but for once, I wanted to be surprised. I wanted other people to show me their projects, their plans, and their dreams. All of my friendships had become so one-sided, so reliant on me, that when I stopped putting in the effort, the friendship died. No one cared to water the flower of our dead friendship.

People just walked away and left me behind. Like they always did…

Sigh. I think I’m done for now. I’ll cut this off before I start writing in circles.

Until Next Time,

Lumi

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